Busy

I find that this post is me to a "T." Seriously. I crave being busy... I don't know how to say no... and it has been this was since I can remember.

I have always loved planners -- since they made you write in them in elementary school and have them signed by your parents. In 6th grade when it became optional, I searched high and low for the perfect one.

I still use the same brand/type I found in high school. It works perfectly for me. I don't think I will ever trade it in... especially for something electronic. I love my paper planner.

But even more than that -- there are times when God makes me sit still and just spend time one Him. There have also been times where He has forced me to depend upon Him, because we all know how much I love control.

Like right now -- I take the GRE in less than a week and am terrified. I want to go back to school, but what if I do terrible? It has been so stressed that I am reverting back to my paralyzed by fear state where I do nothing but ignore all the things I should be doing... I am doing it at work, at home, with friends. I have recently started asking for prayers concerning it because that is the only way it will get better. And it is forcing me to depend on God and His promise -- that He will provide everything I need for He has called me to it. And if I am not meant to teach then He will open the right door. And THAT is what I need to depend upon.

Each time I moved, I have had to depend upon God.

This summer, with my heart broken, I have to depend on God. I had to slow down long enough to let Him comfort me and my heart.

Lord, thank You for taking things out of my control (no matter how much I cling to my planner and my lists) so that I can depend upon You.