Oops

I haven't talked to you in forever!!!

Oh well, welcome to how I function. I am good about blogging daily (or close to it) for about a month, and then, BOOM... I just don't. Story of my life. I am that way about lots of things. Emailing, journaling, etc.

But, I will attempt to get back on track here.

The retreat was really good. I am glad I went. I am not going to say AWESOME... but more because I just don't know people, so it took some time getting used to having to initiate convos, etc. Plus, sometimes I just felt like an outsider looking in. BUT, I am still glad I went. I got to meet people (the only way I will begin not to feel like an outsider), and there was an awesome dance party... plus I just really feel like God taught me a lot.

Most convicting thing... I need to live in the here and now. Not keep looking for what is next. Even though I have claimed to love being here this past year (and I have), I have kept trying to find a way out. But God brought me to Durham/Raleigh for a reason. It is time that I LIVED here until I feel God calling me out. Leon Tucker called this abiding in the land. I need to be Christ to those I work with, build real relationships here, etc. So, I am trying to do that. Not that it has been easy, but I am trying to do that.

Other than that... right now, even though I am attempting to live in the here and now, and enjoy each day for what it is, I do have lots of fun things to count down to:

Florida! Four more days
Joel and Ann Marie's wedding! 20 more days
Harry Potter movie! 36 more days
Harry Potter book! 46 more days
Las Vegas w/ the Fam! 52 more days

And, I am sure there will be other fun things coming up! Yea for summer! I love it.

I'm so Excited!

Tomorrow I am going to the Fort Caswell Retreat with the Singles Group at Providence!

I am soooo excited! I think it will be really, really fun. It will be a good way to meet people... and good way to just feel more like I belong.

But, that has been happening anyway. The other day I went to their Flock Group which is a Bible Study. And I really enjoyed it. I met some really nice girls, Katie and Jill, and I am excited to continue to hang out with them.

Yea for finding people that I feel like could be family!

I am also excited because it has been so long since I have been on a retreat. I am excited to be challenged by God.

Be praying that I am challenged by God, as well as that I would step out of my comfort zone and meet people.

As Promised

Yesterday I said that I would talk about my trip to Busch Gardens on Saturday. So, here it goes...

I had a GREAT time! I went with my brother, his roommate from school, and their friend. We had a lot of fun.

I did learn alot about three twentysomething guys. They were all cracking me up... a ton. They basically have to "discuss" everything and can never agree on anything. And even if they are all saying the same thing, they still have to "discuss" it.

Also, there is a lot of comparing girl... well, not comparing... but at least checking them out.

But, what about the rides? It was all fun... the new roller coaster, the Griffon was great. It goes super fast and there is definitely a 90 degree drop. I loved it! Apollo's was, as always, fun and great. I love the feeling that I am flying. All in all, it was a great time.

Hopefully I will go back soon!

one thing, now another

So, I was going to talk about Busch Gardens today... but that will have to wait.

Why, because sometimes I need to complain. And today would be one of these days. Oh yes, it is.

So, I like being an adult. FREEDOM is all I have to say about it. I can support myself... most of the time.

But then days like today happen.

I got a call from my dentist. Evidently, my insurance won't cover anything but the cleaning (so, the x-rays, the filling to fix the old one) until after I have been on it for a year or something. So, yea... I get to pay $400 out of my own pocket. Why didn't anyone tell me this!?!?! This sucks!!!

and, do I have $400 just lying around. Pretty much... no. Yippee...

ok, enough complaining. Tomorrow we will discuss Busch Gardens.

About Me! Jaye P as if 5/18

Time for another survey. Enjoy learning about me!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10am... but that is because I took the day off today. Normally, it is around 6:45 for work
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Pearls... the only diamond I want is from some special boy I haven't met
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Spiderman 3 w/ Katy. Anyone want to go see Shrek the Third this weekend?
4. What is your favorite TV show? I have to choose one? Alias... Friends... American Idol... October Road...
5. What did you have for breakfast? Cheerios with a little sugar
6. What is your middle name? Patricia
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian... all those yummy carbs!
8. What foods do you dislike? Most veggies... anything mushy... really anything with a weird texture... Oatmeal
9. Your favorite Potato chip? Salt and Vinegar OR Cheddar and Sour Cream... or Masterpiece BBQ (PS, I don't do favorites really well, in case you can't tell)
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? More like songs... but, maybe Bryan Greenberg's Waiting for Now... really it is this mix I made the other day
11. What kind of car do you drive? 99 Dodge Stratus
12. Favorite sandwich? Umm... don't have one... I like a good deli sandwich
13. What characteristics do you despise? being hypocritical... being judgemental... too much DRAMA... i don't do drama
14. What are your favorite clothes? Used to be jeans... now though, I really appreciate a good comfy skirt
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you NOT go? Virginia Beach... but only because I grew up there
16.Favorite brand of clothing? Used to be Old Navy... but recently its been a miss for me there... so J.Crew, Banana, Gap, especially when they are the outlet versions
17. Where would you want to retire? If it didn't get so cold in the winter... Little Sable Point, MI. Somewhere with a Beach. Maybe Southern Cal?
18. Favorite time of day? when I get to leave work!
19. Where were you born? Virginia Beach, VA... born and bred a beach bum
20. What is your favorite sport to watch? Big Ten Football... specifically Michigan Football... but anything competitive!
21. Pepsi or Coke? Duh, Coke.
22. Beavers or Ducks? Are they some teams we are supposed to choose? Ducks? They are cute, I guess
23. Are you a morning person or night owl? Either... but I like to stay up late (even though now that I am old and work it doesn't seem like it), so if I had my choice, a night owl. stupid job
24. Pedicure or Manicure? Pedicure... they rock the foot rubs!
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I signed up for the church retreat on Memorial Day weekend!
26. What did you want to be when you were little? A Marine Biologist... they got to play in the water and work with Dolphins... or so I thought
27. What is your best childhood memory? any of the long car trips with the fam!!
28. Piercing? Just my ears
29. Ever been to Africa? Nope, but would love to go
30. Ever been toilet papering? heck yes... and it was fun every time
31. Been in a car accident? Once, they rear ended me
32. Favorite restaurant? This is hard one.. Chick fil a, does that count?
33. Favorite flower? I don't really have one... I need to work on that.
34. Favorite Fast Food? So, Chick fil a doesn't count as a restaurant? but it is my favorite fast food place! Jason's Deli is creeping up on it though
35. How many times did you fail your drivers test? Zero.
36. From whom did you get your last e-mail? Christy.... just a short one asking when they next time I would be in VaBeach
37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? umm, currently there are lots of electronic toys I want, so probably Best Buy
38. Bedtime? I rock the 10:30
39. Last person you went to dinner with? i went to lunch today with the bro
40.What are you listening to right now? the iPod is on random... currently a song from Newsies... "Once and for All"
41. What is your favorite color? BLUE
42. How many tattoos do you have? none... part of me has always wanted one, though. But they are permanent... that scares me. What if I regret it?
43. Favorite magazine? Time for true confessions here people... People Magazine. The famous are just so interesting!
44. What's your goal in life? I would like to see the world... to make a difference in someones life... to be happy... to have a family... to stay in touch with important people like my friends

Friday in VaBeach

I came home this weekend.

Originally it was for a family portrait to be taken tonight. However, it has been cancelled. It is a little bit ugly outside... think cold and gray and windy. Not exactly good for a family portrait on the beach, huh?

But it has still been nice to have the day off. I relaxed (think lazy). I went to lunch with the bro. And that has been about it. I am considering a nap in a bit... why not?

I do like being at home. It is nice to be around the family. I miss them lots... but at the same time... it isn't the same at home anymore. And not just because I don't have a room...

It is home... but at the same time it isn't. I don't know where everything is... and it just changes. I don't know.... guess it is just part of growing up. We all have to do it... my time is now.

Well, tomorrow is trip to Busch Gardens... yea! Hopefully it is a little but nicer than today.

Later!

Hot and Cold

I love my roommate. I don't know if everyone knows that... but Laurie, she is pretty awesome.

In the ten months we have lived together, there are lots of things that we have learned about each other.

One important thing... we are the complete OPPOSITES when it comes to temperatures. Basically, Laurie is always cold... and I am almost always hot. Well, not always hot, but I at least thinks it is hot before she every does.

For example, she is cold at like 70 degrees out... I think it is gorgeous. At 80, I think it is HOT... she thinks it is perfect.

This morning... leaving the apartment was the perfect example of it. I was wearing a shirt, t shirt and a sweater set. She was wearing pants, a long sleeve shirt (almost a sweater), and brought her coat. Just different internal temperatures, I think.

Oh well... at least we have fun. She is awesome.

Its a Small World After All...

Yesterday after Sunday School Class, I went to eat lunch with some people.

The girl that drove me to class introduced me to two other girls in our class.

You know what... they also went to Michigan and graduated last April. Umm... sing it with me now...

Its a Small World After All!

What a nice surprise. I am looking forward to getting to know them. Well, getting to know all the people in my class, but it is nice to have people who share my love for UM. :-)

What to do next?

"Beginnings are scary, Endings are normally sad, But its the middle that counts." -Hope Floats

As anyone who knew me in Michigan could tell you, I didn't want to move here to Durham. And trust me when I tell you that I have never been more scared as when I had to drive off from home and get to Durham all by myself and start living in some hotel the night before i started at Duke.

I have to say I have probably never been so scared in my life.

At the end of my first week here, I was watching TNT or something and Hope Floats came on. At the end of the movie, Sandra Bullock gives her monologue and this is her last quote. At that moment it just hit me how true it is.

Beginnings are always scary... I was scared to start college, but look how much I loved every moment. The end was pretty much the saddest thing ever. I have never cried when leaving people before. And even though I am not at the end of Durham (but hopefully going to soon leave Duke...), my middle here has certainly been worth the fear. I love my friends, and it has been all good.

But, I think it is my fear of new beginnings that is keeping me from actually doing anything at all. I want a new job, so why then am I not actually looking?

Because, as I have learned this year, when I get scared I become paralyzed. When I don't want to have to make a decision, I avoid it. I just don't do it. That is what I am doing here. Yes, I want to leave my job, but I am scared that may mean moving. I don't want to have to start over again. Besides, starting a new job may mean trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Rather than look, I am just paralyzed.

But, I need to remember this... although the beginning may be scary, and the ending of this job/ time in Durham may be sad... it is the time I have been here that counts. I have awesome friends, learned a ton about myself, and really realized that I need to feel like I am making a difference in the world.

I don't know what is next, but I am excited to learn.

May I just not be paralyzed, and instead motivated to find out.

Counting to 10

And taking VERY deep breaths...

our staff meeting today was a little disappointing.

Our new boss took away casual Fridays. pretty much bummed about that.

Not too happy with the fact that damage control was trying to be done. Not that he shouldn't... just with all that we have had to deal with over the last couple of months, we just have no trust for anyone of power... does that make sense?

Probably not.

Just counting to 10 and calming down. Tomorrow will not be casual Friday... so see you all dressed up tomorrow.

Prayer

I pretty much love my church here in Raleigh.

On Sunday, our pastor talked about prayer. He talked out of Psalm 27:4-8 (well, that is where he began, but he also mentioned other great texts in the Bible, too).

"Prayer is the language of desire; it is the offering of our desires to God." Gardiner Spring

The pastor talked about how a lot of our prayer is out of duty. And that isn't good because every single time, something you are passionate about will win out over duty. What would it look like if we were passionate and truly desired to pray?

Well, it would be easy to do everyday. It wouldn't be like the pulling of teeth to get someone to just bless the food at a meal. No one would rush to put their finger on their nose in hopes that they didn't have to pray in front of everyone. In fact, it would be the opposite. People would rush to say "Me! I will talk to the creator of the universe. Me! I will talk to my Saviour!"

Think of that. What a great treat we have to be able to talk to God.

I also thought another interesting thing the pastor mentioned was when he said to look at our prayers. What is dominant in your prayers? That is what has taken ahold of your heart.

whoa.

what is dominant in my prayers? It is something I am looking at and examining. I want to know because I know what they my heart to be fully devoted to God... but I am not sure that my prayer life reflects that.

Well, those are my ramblings in response to an awesome sermon on Sunday. I really am looking forward to Part II this week. Maybe you will get my response to that next week sometime!

Pure Torture

So, I pretty much hate the dentist. Like... HATE the dentist. I know... I am not the only one... but I am just saying.

Yesterday I went to the dentist for the biannual exam and teeth cleaning. This one was well over due. I should have gone in February... but, like I said, I hate the dentist and was in no hurry what so ever.

Well, the teeth cleaning part was no problem. However, my filling has cracked and so now I must get it refilled. Not so good. I am terrified. I don't want to have to get a new filling. I will probably have to have my mouth numbed... and I don't do so well with them giving me shots. Oh man... I hate the dentist.

That's ok. I am a big girl. I can do this. I don't need my Dad to hold my hand. Do you think he would? Come down and miss a day for me? I will do this... I am an adult. I pay my bills. I am surviving and thriving... so I can do this.

Will someone just tell that to me on next week? Thursday to be exact. Ok, thanks... I appreciate it.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

So, I LOVE Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. It is quite possibly one of my favorite shows. Now, I know what you are thinking. "But Jaye P, you already watch a million shows and claim you love all of them."

True, my friend, true.

I love October Road. I love Grey's Anatomy. I LOOOOVE American Idol. I pretty much don't miss any of those shows... tape them every week and make sure to watch them. But, Extreme Makeover ROCKS MY WORLD!

I think this is because they actually do something good. They are helping people... it can be sappy. I admit it. And really, I basically cry every other show. But, I can't help it. I LOVE the show.

Another reason I love the show is because this year, they built a house for family in Raleigh, NC. Umm... Raleigh is next door. So, obviously a bunch of us all went to check it out. And it was amazing... saw Ed in passing... Tracy ran by. But, coolest of all... got my picture with Paulie (see above).

It was awesome. It just made my day... maybe because that is also the day that i found out I didn't get the job at Google... so seeing it all up close and personal, as well as meeting Paul, just made me remember my life... not so bad. Put a smile on my face. LOVE IT!

So, just thought I would ramble on how much I love the show, and such...

However... my one pet peeve was realized this week. Can you believe that Ty used POP top instead of the proper Soda Top. He says POP. Inexcusable. Ty, we will have to work that, my friend. We will have to work on that. ;-).

Ok, kidding aside. I love the show... here is me with Paul!

Since 2007 started...

SINCE 2007 STARTED . . .

1. Have you had a gf/bf? no
2. Have you had your birthday? no, its not til November
3. Been to church? oh, yes
4. Cried yet? yes. but not going to tell you why
5. Had someone close to you pass away? thankfully, no
6. Pulled an all nighter? HA! I have only ever pulled 2 all nighters, and they are always for hanging out with people
7. Drank Starbucks? yes, yes
8. Gone to the movies? if "Because I said So" came out in 2007, then, yes. But, I don't remember for sure
9. Been to the beach? not yet... but I spent Sunday at the pool!
10. Bought something for over $200? sadly, yes
11. Met someone new? if you count the people at Sunday School who the next week I don't remember their names...
12. Been out of your home state? yes

IN THE PAST MONTH . . . For this one we will say April 1st til today... because May 2nd doesn't give me much time to have done much... now does it?

1. Kissed someone? not unless you count my mom when I said good by
2. Slept in a friend's bed? no...
3. Snuck someone over? i live on my own... why would anyone need to be snuck over?
4. Snuck out of your own house? again, I live one my own... so need to sneak out
5. Been in a bar? actually, i don't think so... wait, their was the sketchy sports bar w/ people from Michigan... and B-dubs in Ann Arbor, does B-Dubs count?
6. Lied? yes
7. Gotten a car? HA! you gonna buy it for me? if not, the Stratus will do
8. Gone over your cell phone bill? yes... sometimes I wonder why I have so many minutes... I never use them all
9. Been called a whore? no... at least not to my face
10. Driven somewhere? oh, yes. and i love driving!
11. Done something you regret? probably

LAST . . .
1. Things you bought lately? smoothie this morning for breakfast... yummy
2. Person you hugged? Mom? I don't think I have hugged anyone else she I left home last weekend... also, my cat. Does she count?
3. Last person to call you? Mel-Belle!
4. Last time you took a bubble bath? LONG time ago... I am allergic
5. When was the last time you felt stupid? um, almost all the time... yesterday at the Softball game when I couldn't remember what my point was
6. When was the last time you walked/ran over a mile? walk... um, yesterday. Run... i don't run anywhere
7. Who was the last person who saw you cry? no idea
8. Who was the last person who made you cry? not telling... but it was a boy
9. Who was the last person you watched a movie with? my brother and Laurie... School of Rock
10. Who was the last person you danced with? Laurie... in the car
11. Who did you last yell at? probably a CRC... but not really yelling because that would get me fired... but there was probably frustration on both sides of the convo
12. Who was the last person that told you they loved you? Mel-Belle when we talked last night
13. Who makes you smile most? umm... lots of people... but I laugh a ton w/ Teal... well, with anyone from work
14. What are you listening to right now? JC Chasez, "Right Here"
15. What did you do yesterday? got up, work, Jenn and Jeff's softball game, Pei Wei's, American Idol, bed
16. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit? yes, aren't you surprised?

It's all bills...

Laurie and I carpool to and from work. It is great. We save on gas and on our parking pass. So, all in all a good deal.

Everyday, when we get home, we stop by the mailboxes. Whoever is in the passenger seat gets out and gets the mail. Not too bad of a deal, I have to say.

Well, yesterday it was mine turn to get the mail. I run out and open up our mailbox. One bill for me. One letter for Laurie. Some junk mail for Current Resident. FIVE CREDIT CARD OFFERS FOR ME!

WHAT!?!?! First of all, how did they get my name. Second of all, why do you insist on sending me the same offer EVERY WEEK, mister credit card company. Third of all, if I haven't signed up yet, do you really think I am going to now?

AHHH!!! Not only is it annoying... but they are wasting paper. Just leave me alone!!!

When I was young, I used tell my parents, "I wish I got mail like you." And they would always reply, "No you don't. It's all bills." Well, they were almost right. Not that I love to get bills... but it isn't all bills. It is all credit card offers. And, I certainly don't want that!

How do I get off their lists... anyone?