Glee!

Ok, I am going to admit it. I love the new show Glee. I can't help it! Is it ridiculous? YES! Is it far-fetched and unrealistic? YES! But are the dance numbers awesome! YES! And, are the parodies they make hilarious? YES!

So, I love it. And DVR it so I can watch the dance numbers over and over.

Really, I am 12 at heart. I have mentioned that before, right?

Anyway, here are a couple of the songs/numbers that have me on the edge of my seat...

What about you? Do you like Glee? Have you given it a shot?

Anxious

I woke up this morning very anxious.

It has been a pattern recently. I am good for a couple of days. Loving life, ok with where God has me. Then BAM! I wake up overwhelmed and not trusting God, not trusting His plan.

I'll never be out of debt.

I'll never be married.

I'll never be good at my job.

I'll never be a good friend.

I am not good enough. funny enough. pretty enough. smart enough. disciplined enough.

I think this is the valley and season God has me in right now. Just trusting Him and His plan. Clinging to His truth and His will for my life (even if I can't see it right now).

It was so encouraging to have God use this blog post to remind me of that.

We all have our struggles. But, "courage isn't natural; it's a choice. It is an act of obedience and trust."

Today I am making a choice. To be brave in uncertainty. To trust God when all I hear is Satan's lies. To know that God has His best (and my best) at heart. God is a good God; He is loving; He is faithful; He hasn't betrayed me yet and He won't ever. Because He is my God who is merciful. I am His and He is mine.

I am so glad I found (In)Courage, because it has been something I have needed all week long!

Debt

I have talked a little bit on my blog about my credit card debt. I am so thankful that God has convicted me to clean up my spending habits. I still have quite a ways to go, but I feel like at 25 I am leaps and bounds above where I could be...

Here is one article that just forced me to stop and be thankful and praise God for where He has brought me to my knees. $60,000 -- I can't even imagine being that far in debt and then being forced to begin taking furlough. Or even worse... lose your job! Praise God that I have a job that seems (for the time being) stable and one that I enjoy. Praise God that I am not that far in debt!

I also really enjoy this portion of Dave Ramsey's website... gives me hope that someday I'll be able to call in and yell FREEDOM! I will be there someday! And hopefully sooner rather than later.

Jon and Kate... no more.

I think I wrote a blog post about Jon and Kate semi-recently.

This whole situation just makes me sad. For so many reasons... the children... the testimony that they no longer have... what celebrity can do to a marriage... so much to say and it all is sad.

I find it very interesting that most of the people who I know that watch the show will no longer watch it. All over Facebook the status messages have read: "stop watch Jon and Kate." "sad for Jon and Kate, for now I say good-bye." People don't want to watch this, watch the kids go through this, watch something where there was hope go down in flames. I certainly don't.

As of last night, I am no longer watching Jon and Kate. I still pray that God will change their hearts and that God will repair their marriage. I think that is the saddest part! They made this marriage in front of God, a covenant and it can't just be dissolved like that. Sorry, I digress.

There were lots of articles today that I found interesting. But as of this morning... again, I will stop reading the articles. I am only one person, but in order to help the kids as much as possible, they need to step (or be forced out of) the limelight. I'll do what little I can.

Join me in praying for them.

Something a little light

After my last, more thoughtful and deep post, I thought I would lighten the mood a bit. How does that sound?

I don't know how many of you know this about me, but one of my guilty pleasures is Hollywood, celebrity world. My brain just sucks that information up in a vacuum. The pink tile in Trivial Pursuit is normally my category.

In the recent months, I have begun to work on this. I stopped my subscription to People magazine and I don't allow myself to watch E! Television or other such "smut" (in the words of my friend Bethany).

However, I still go to People.com. I know, I know. Almost as bad as getting People magazine everyday, huh?

Well, today's headline was that T.R. Knight wants out of his Grey's Anatomy contract. See the article here. Anyway... here is my comment on all of this Grey's mess. THEY JUST NEED TO END THE SHOW. I didn't fall in love with the show as soon as it aired. But I did start watching it mid Season 2 because everyone and their mother talked about it. But, last year, i made the decision not to watch it anymore. Not exactly glorifying, encouraging television. Plus, there was more drama off the set than on the actual show. It just seems too much to me. I don't know... and now this. Who wants to watch a show where the people who are working on it don't even enjoy their job. No thanks.

Anyway, my opinion on a not very important happening. But thought I would give it to you anyway. ;-)

Disconnect

I mentioned yesterday that I was feeling a little bit out of sorts. It feels a lot like a fog has just settled in. In some ways, I just don't feel like myself. Its kind of hard to explain, but that is probably the best way to describe it "feeling" wise.

I am trying to figure out why I feel the way I do. I think a lot of it has to do with being (and feeling) disconnected. I feel disconnected from my family, disconnected from my friends, and mostly disconnected from God. There are reasons for each, some circumstantial, some my fault, some I can pinpoint reasons for and some that I can't. Anyway... it is just frustrating and tiring and has caused some hard times recently.

So, I feel disconnected from my family... I think part of this is just the cleaving process. I don't depend on them in the same way as I have in the past. And that is ok, but it is just an adjustment. It is weird to feel like a "visitor" in my parents house, my home. And then it is just weird to not feel like my apartment is home. Because it is my "home" but in some ways it isn't. Maybe I should start trying to process and think through what the definition of a home is.

I also feel disconnected from my friends. I spent all but the first weekend of November on the road. It is hard not to go to church for three weeks in a row; i felt disconnected from the church body. I also just feel like because I was gone to Michigan for two weeks and then at Fall Retreat the other (where I was helping to run it, so I didn't always get to do things), that I just haven't had some good solid hang out time. I have been working on that. Last night I had roomie time with Laura, and I have to say that for a bit, the fog lifted. That was glorious. So, I am going to keep working on that.

But I also feel disconnected from the Lord. And in some ways, isn't that the most concerning? I know we all go through valleys, so this is a valley. I just don't know how to begin to climb out. I think I have begun some of that process by asking people to pray for me, and by being vulnerable and telling Jenn, Laura, Rachel and a couple of others about how I feel. But now comes the hard part for me... I need to take the steps of faith and have action behind my faith. I can't remember if I have ever told you all this, but I don't feel this great need to spend time with God. I am a firm believer that the way you view God is greatly affected by how you view your earthly father. My Dad is a wonderful man who loves me as close to unconditionally as humanly possible. I know this with 100% confidence and in some ways that is awesome. I trust fully that my heavenly Father feels the same way about me. But, my Dad and I aren't always close, especially emotionally. There are many reasons behind this, and that is ok. But it doesn't mean that it isn't hard. And because i don't feel this need to emotionally connect with my dad on any semi-regular basis, it is the same with the Lord. And I think I also struggle to have "Quiet Time" regularly because i also don't know how I best connect with Christ... is it through musical worship? prayer? the Bible? Is there a good book out there that would help me with this?

So yea... I think that is how I am feeling. There are some other circumstantial things that have also brought some of this out... as well as my past and my insecurities. Can you all just pray for me? My roommate challenged me last night to come up with a couple of things I would like to change and work on them. She said it could be as simple as find something I like to do and make time for it once a week. So here is what I am thinking about doing:

- make time to Scrapbook once a week
- get up early and have an extended time of prayer for myself, my friends, and my family
- go to Panera/Starbucks/somewhere once a week for extended quiet time
- try to find a book on connecting with God and read it
- call my parents once a week and make an effort to talk to my dad
- call my brother once a week
- find a working definition of a home
- attempt to make my apartment feel like a "home"
- overall, be more intentional.

What do you think? Keep me accountable... pray for me. Thanks for listening (well, reading!).

No Comment

I have no comment. I am stunned beyond belief. Is it even necessary? I mean, the High School Musical movies are already squeaky clean. Anyway... no comment.

PS. Any of you out there like the HSM movies? I for one think they are cheese-tastically great! :-). And yes, I went to see HSM3 in the movie theaters... but to make it not look weird I took a 8 and 6 year old with me... they had a great time with Miss Jaye and I enjoyed myself. (and yes I did roll my eyes a couple of times, but I also was tapping my foot slightly wishing life was a musical).

Bad Mood

Today I am in a funk. I think it is because I am just tired and wearing myself thin this week. See people, this is why I am an introvert. No one believes me... but here is why. Because when I am faced with weeks like this one I crave being alone and just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.

My week has been crazy. My weekend a couple of days ago was crazy. This weekend is going to be crazy. And all of this is a good thing. I LOVED hanging out with people this past weekend; loved dinner with the girls on Friday night, loved the Bulls game on Saturday night... just makes it so I don't get any rest. Work has been nut-so and so i just feel overwhelmed and need to rejuvenate, and can't.

However, I am excited for Caswell this weekend :-). Friday I am heading to camping at Carolina Beach with the girls. And then Caswell Beach Retreat all weekend. :-) :-) :-)!!!

But, with all of this going on I have just noticed how bad of a mood I am in. I want to complain about everything. Complain about stupid Hilary. Just drop out of the race already. Your stubbornness is just making you look worse. I guarantee the only people excited about you staying at this point are Republicans who want this chaos to continue. Complain about oil companies and how they are currently rolling in more money than they know what to do with; what they really should be doing instead of giving all the money to the shareholders is figure out how to make gas prices go down. Ok government, now is the time to step in and change this. Monopoly? put a cap on how much the earn? i don't know, just do something before my budget is only gas and I have to starve myself to survive. Complain about things at my job that are just giving me a headache. Complain about the state of my room, the lack of time I have, etc.

Bummer. I am just praying that God would first give me rest and second to remind me to praise Him before I complain. He is in control. None of this stuff matters in the grand scheme of things anyway.

Hope you day is well! Pray that my attitude changes. I want to enjoy today.

Me = Selfish!

I have recently had this revelation that I am so selfish.

Whether or not you believe me, I am very shy and self-conscious. And I have turned this into a very selfish thing.

When i talk to someone, especially someone i don't know, I have turned it into: "Oh, I just said something really stupid." "Look how awkward this is, they must not like me." etc... I do this rather than focusing on what the person is saying, and in turn learning about them and sharing their life with them.

I don't give my time as freely as I should. I want my alone time (I need it to be energized), but in turn if I have a busy week I just choose not to be with others. For instance, last week I had to work three evenings. I had a friend who needed to talk to someone. I knew this, but rather than take my one night off to spend it with her, I just stayed at home "because I really needed it." Umm... wrong choice, I am afraid to say.

I am selfish with my time and God. Rather than sacrifice, I just don't spend time with Him.

Why am I so self-centered?

I pray that God continues to convict me of this and shows me ways that I need to be pouring out and into others.

American Idol

Alright, I admit it. I love American Idol. And for no real reason. I feel really bad for the ones who can't sing... and just get awkward for the ones that don't realize they can't sing. I love it when there is some sappy story behind how that phenomenal singer got to the auditions (see Chris Daughtry... he and his wife and his children melted my heart from day one. AND, I still think he should have won, although, in the end, it was better for his career that he didn't).

So, I am one of the many counting down the days until the return of American Idol, especially with the writers strike. We have no new TV, and it is getting pretty hard. Back to depending on Netflix for my entertainment, I guess.

Anyway, here is a fun news article concerning American Idol.

About Me

So, I really want a cool "About Me" section on Facebook... but for some reason I am afraid to put it up. So, I am taking a small step and letting you see if first. Then maybe if I get brave and less afraid of what people may think if I post it, I will...

Here it is:

I love all gummy candy (sour worms, gummy bears, starburst, etc)... chocolate is so-so. If I eat it, I prefer it in the form of Snickers, Milky Way or Twix. I hate ALL white chocolate. Thinking about it makes me gag.

I love to dance, but am pretty much a goof ball when i do. I also love music. If I could change one thing about myself, I would totally give myself some sort of musical ability. Wait, that's not entirely true. I would also change my height. So, there are two things I would change about myself. I know those are both kind of superficial, but I am not ready to let people in enough to tell them other things I would change about myself.

I truly love bookstores. I could spend hours getting lost in the racks, getting to know each book and its story. Books are like people to me, and I just want to get to know each one. I also tend to get lost in office supply stores. I don't know why. I have always loved office supplies and the stores. Its my secret obsession.

I consider myself organized, although my messy room doesn't reflect that. I may be organized in a bad way... like sometimes I take so much time organizing and making lists that I waste precious time. However, when things overwhelm me, spending that time organizing calms me.

I am really self conscious, to the point of selfishness I have recently realized. It makes me nervous to post this, but I think I need to... let people in and all that jazz.

I really enjoy reading people's "About Me" sections... and if you truly know me, then you know I spent a very long time agonizing about what to put here.

Priorities

Man... sometimes I have messed up priorities... today would be one of them.

Now, you may sometimes here me joke about my priorities being "God, Michigan football, family, friends, work, etc."

Well... it isn't really. I love Michigan football. We all know this. I don't hide this. However, do I need to get a grip on what is important.

This year I bought tickets from a senior who didn't want them, and yea, I had magically had tickets to all the games. At the beginning of this week I told them to send them to me... yet, I gave her the wrong zip code!!! AHH!!!

And, I didn't realize this until today...

and, now I am all worried... what if they are lost forever. How tragic would that be... and I am all worried, and I am letting it consume my thoughts. (ok, so I am being a little dramatic in this post, but you get the point).

But, I am not lying... it is consuming my thoughts.

I have called the ticket office to see if they replace lost tickets (they don't... but I may call to see if they replace ones that are lost in the mail...). I have called the post office to see what happens if the wrong zip code is used (they try to deliever it based on city, but if they can't they return to sender), but who knows. And now I am running every possible scenario through my head.

Will someone please just slap me and help me get my priorities straight. I mean... really! Starving people... Dafur... those without homes still in New Orleans and Mississippi... Iraq. This is small potatoes. And, yet, I am consumed.

Partly because it is something important to me... but really, I should just let roll. Just my random thought for right now.

blah...

So, i don't really even know. I guess I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings swimming around up in my head right now, and I need somewhere to empty them.

To be honest, right now, I don't know how I feel. Disappointment maybe? But, it sorta feels like I am disappointed with where God has me at right now... maybe that is it. I don't know.

I am not disappointed with God in the sense that I don't trust His plan...

I guess I am just impatient. I want certain things on my timeline and in my way... and it isn't happening. And, I guess... I am just disappointed.

Maybe it is just a good case of the comparisons....

"well, if I had job at a place I liked..."

or

"if I had someone who even showed an interest in me..."

or

"if i was as cute or as skinny or as outgoing as so and so..."

BUT, that isn't how life works.

Just feeling blue with where I am at. A job that I don't love, some days don't even like. Life full of friends, but yet, sometimes I still feel lonely. So, all in all, today is just a day I feel disappointed with where I am at right now.

I must say though, I have never been good at being content with what I have and being patient with God's plan. I do trust that He has something bigger and better for me than where I am at right now. Somedays it just doesn't feel like it.

And, today is one of those days. I have shared this with God... I feel you have to be honest with Him. And, now, I just need to empty my head some more... and you all are the lucky recipients.

So... yea... blah.

I feel like I am a teen again...

So, I got a retainer today... well, actually it is called a Spring Aligner.

Now let me explain why I had to get one (or chose to, I guess).

See... about two or three months ago, I was at home, hanging with the fam. And, well, our dog is kinda crazy. And she ate my retainer. Now, this was NOT my fault. It was in its container, in my bag... so the dog actually had to go searching for it. Nonetheless, the dog found it and ate it.

Fast forward some and I go to the orthodontist... and she says that she can make me a new retainer and have my teeth stay the way they had shifted to (to say that i wore my retainer even semi regularly may be an overstatement). OR, they could give me spring aligners.

Spring Aligners are actually alot like retainers, except they are made from a mold of your teeth as they are and make it as if your teeth were straight. And I know own a pair. The orthodontist says I should only have to wear them for six months and then my teeth will be like new... or well, like they were when I got my braces off in 8th grade.

But, until then... I have to wear my aligners everyday all day unless I am eating (or she said I could take them out if I have a hot date... wink, wink... yea right!). Anyway... here I am, wearing them... feeling like I am in early high school all over again. And, I have a lisp, so I sound like I am two. And until my teeth get used to this... my mouth KILLS.

Oh well... it will all be worth it in about six months.

Harry Potter way soon!